So . . . my pediatrician posts myriad "useful parenting tips" all over the walls of the patient rooms -- everything from "Limit sugary drinks to 4 oz. per day" to "Avoid trampolines like the plague!" I'll admit that my reactions to these tips vary greatly, but mostly end up in the camp of "Who are all these crazy parents that really waste their lives worrying about all of this stuff? And have these doctors really ever had children of their own?" Still, sometimes the tips are useful, and I have 5 minutes to kill, so I usually read away.
And what did I find last time? The following tips about a subject I DEFINITELY need help with: getting your kids to eat well! Ugh. The very subject makes me tired. The battle over food has been our biggest issue with both boys since day 153 (the day we introduced non-drinkable food). Anyway, we'll get to the issues later. For now, the tips:
"You control the types of food that are available in the home (i.e. not junk food). Let your children control what they eat, when they eat it, and how much they eat."
"Encourage children to try new foods, but never force them to eat anything they don't want to eat."
"Don't force children to clean their plates. Let them stop eating when they're no longer hungry."
"And most importantly, NEVER use dessert as the reward for finishing the meal."
Okay, yes. This sounds like a really good idea. I'm sure it works for lots of amazing parents out there. However, I sincerely doubt that it could ever really work for us. I'm pretty sure if I followed the suggestions above, my boys would either starve or barely survive on whatever semblance of jelly beans they could find under the couch cushions. My question: Am I being ridiculous in thinking my children, the non-eaters, are an exception to this heaven-like eating plan? If I just had faith, would my children turn around and become happy, healthy eaters? Or are there some children that just don't eat, no matter what you do? Again, be frank. I want to know what I did wrong, what I should try to fix, or else whether I should just give up and ride the storm. Tell me!
Let me explain our situation:
Boy #1. Only eats when tricked into it. He still can be forced to eat baby fruits & veggies, and since he doesn't eat much else, I put on the song & dance he demands. I sit him in the high chair and he screams while I put the bib on. He keeps screaming and ducks his head to one side of the high chair, face to the floor, where my spoon cannot reach him. He will only emerge for a really great rendition (with actions) of "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Popcorn Popping." Maybe. If not, I have to bend down and wedge the first bite into his mouth. Then usually, after two or three forced bites, he'll sit up and allow the rest of the container to enter. If that went well, I will repeat the process with yogurt. If not, I will offer him one of four things: a muffin, a piece of cinnamon toast, a granola bar, or a graham cracker. Notice a pattern here? Besides the forced puréed foods, he only eats foods in what I call the Graham Cracker Food Group: Life cereal, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, graham crackers, Teddy Grahams, granola bars, muffins, and cinnamon toast. Period. The end of the list. No cheese, no goldfish crackers, no mac & cheese, no chicken nuggets, no fruit or vegetables, no meat. And even the stuff in the GC food group, he only kind of nibbles on.
BUT, if he catches a glimpse of a jelly bean, a cookie, or a lollipop, he will SCREAM until he gets it. And then he'll devour it in three seconds and SCREAM for more (you may have seen the "Cooooookie" clip). I know it's horrible to give it to him, but sometimes I just can't endure the screaming.
Yes, I know that if I didn't have any junk food in our house EVER, we could avoid all of this. But guess what? I personally like my jelly beans and cookies, and I'm not willing to give them up. We try to keep them hidden (Henry knows that you have to spell out the words "cookie" and "candy" in our house). It usually doesn't work.
Yes, I do try putting other foods in front of him. I usually try to put whatever we're eating on his high chair tray. And whatever it is, without fail, it goes directly from tray to floor, without the slightest bit of consideration on Ellis' part.
[I must note that tonight Henry tried to convince Ellis that a black bean was a jelly bean. It was an earnest effort, although it broke Henry's recent vow to always tell the truth. It also didn't work].
Boy #2: Has come a long way. Our biggest struggle is fruits and vegetables and anything new. I pretty much let him choose his favorites for breakfast and lunch, and that usually goes over well. Still, he eats them VERY slowly, often taking an hour to complete a meal. He takes the smallest lunches of any other child in his Joy School group, because if I send anything more than half an apple and a half sandwich, he will never even come close to finishing. And you can bet that if there's a fruit roll up involved, he'll never eat that apple. Sometimes I have to remind him twice to take each bite. He is perfectly content to talk, laugh, sing, and stare into space during meal time. Anything but eat!
And let me just say that rewarding this kid for finishing his meals works better than anything I've tried. If he finishes, he gets a small treat (he is delighted with 4 jelly beans). If he doesn't finish, he doesn't get a treat. And he's usually just fine with that. And we don't have to fight about it. Since we came to that solution, we have all been a lot happier. That's why I'm torn -- our working system breaks three of my doctor's four rules. We make him try at least a bite of every new food -- he has no choice (but to go straight to bed!). We require him to clean his plate (or at least finish his 4 bites), even if he says he is full (does the doctor really think kids aren't smart enough to pull the "I'm full" trick?). And lastly, we always reward him with dessert for doing it!
Sorry this is dragging on for so long. What I'm really trying to say is that I'm struggling because we feel like we've actually found a system that works for Henry, and then I realized that it goes against everything the "experts" are saying. Do you think if I revolutionized our meal-time rules, perhaps Henry would suddenly become an amazing eater? If I put the muffins and the asparagus both in front of him for dinner and let him choose, would he really EVER choose the asparagus? I am just so doubtful. If any of you think it would work, I need to hear your testimonies.
Oh, and if you have any clue for what I should do with Ellis-the-impossible, PLEASE let me know.
I should mention a special thanks to all of the amazing comments about the gun post. I feel like I now have so many things to think about as I re-shape my position on that issue. How would any of us learn this parenting thing alone?
