Henry's official induction into the world of blushing

Approximately 4 weeks after the final weaning of Ellis, something new showed up in our bathroom. It was something exciting. Something that Henry couldn't remember ever seeing, since he hadn't seen it for nearly 2 years, and his memory probably only goes back 6-8 months. It was in a special blue bag, and each little piece looked like a mysterious surprise -- perhaps a new kind of toy? Perhaps some kind of candy? Each one was wrapped in brightly colored paper -- green, purple, and yellow. Wow, this was bound to be a special day in the Iverson household!

Henry made the discovery while getting ready for bed, and he had something magical in his voice when he announced, "Mom, I see something new in the bathroom! Something I haven't seen before!" "Great!" I replied, staying as far away as possible so as to avoid his gaze. Ben was nearby, so Henry went on to question him about what this special new treat was all about. Ben evaded his questions pretty well, told him he would have to ask Mom about it in the morning, and changed the subject to bedtime stories.

So I had all night to come up with some sort of explanation. It's not that I think everything related to the female body needs to be kept as some embarrassing secret that will forever make the men and boys in my family blush (as both of our dads already do, and probably are right now as they read this post). Perhaps it is better if we let feminine products become part of our everyday vernacular. There's nothing about them that is really embarrassing, unless we make it that way, right?

Then, on the other hand, knowing Henry, this discussion would only lead into further prodding, delving into subjects of female anatomy and babies and how they get into bellies. I wasn't sure I wanted to go there with my 3-year-old. So I tried to think of some kind of fairy-like explanation for Henry's bathroom discovery -- something akin to Santa Claus, the stork, or the Great Pumpkin. Does anybody have an explanation of this sort? I couldn't think of anything! Needless to say, I had a full night to prepare for the morning's conversation, but I woke up completely unrehearsed. I tried hiding the little blue bag (we don't have any cupboard space in our bathroom, and I haven't found a good solution yet), but I didn't take a lot of care concealing my mysteries in the garbage can. Thus, the conversation happened. Imagine me giving each response and then whisking off into another room to try ending the conversation (his curiosity compelled him to follow me).

Hey mom, what are these things that I see in the garbage? These things in the yellow wrappers?

Oh, those things? They're called tampons.

But what are they for?

Um, they're kind of like diapers for mommies.

Diapers for mommies!?! But why do mommies need diapers . . . do they have accidents?

Uh, yeah. Sometimes mommies have accidents. Just little accidents.

But why do mommies have accidents if they're already potty trained?

Uh, just because they are mommies. They just do.

But how do you put them on?

Um, just kind of like diapers.

(he didn't buy that answer)

But I want to see them. I want to open them and see you put them on.

Nah. No. Probably not.

But I really want to see them!

Probably not.

When will I get to see them? When can I open them?

Probably not. You probably won't get to.

But why?

Uh, because. Just because.

I know! Maybe I could look at pictures of them on the computer!

Ooh, probably not.

[Here enters the elusiveness that leads to male embarrassment about feminine products forever more. He is officially scarred for life and will blush at every mention of the word "Always."]

So I know I botched it up, but I still can't think of what I should have said. Any ideas?

Update: In my attempt at a non-offensive picture to use on this post, I came across this gem of a website: http://www.tamponcrafts.com/. This would definitely help break the ice in a fun activity for the whole family! What do you think? Ben, are you in?